A Virtual Micro-class
The Power of a Positive No
This time for women in particular!
Tuesdays, October 3 & 10 at 11 am pacific
"How does generative communication simultaneously foster “we-are-in-this-together” thinking and bolster an individuals’ mental health?"
Thanks, Zach! Here goes:
Ananda: "Is friendship part of the way?"
Buddha: "No, Ananda, friendship is the whole of the way."
On a walk my friend Kathy told me about a doc she’d streamed on the ocean’s depths. Distinct underwater creatures “affiliate” (her word) by swimming alongside and helping each other.
Admittedly, coaching communication I geek out on words.
My ears perked up hearing Kathy use “affiliate” less formally than usual, relishing how her word captured an essence of Generative Communication, given it is ensemble work that is trust reliant, safety reliant, belonging reliant –we are in this together reliant. You swim fluidly in tandem with, yet without crowding, the creature alongside you, aware “I am a clownfish” and “you are an anemone”, though headed in the same direction (project, mission, goal).
Marine biologists use the term mutualism.
We humans possess a relational intelligence. The mind is in discourse with itself and is refined through discourse with others.
So first and foremost, Zach, GenC arrives with a kit of tools facilitating this truth about people. GenC, like design strategy, is invitational -extending an offer to "inquire with me."
Yet…
“The realities of the pandemic…and plummeting mental health…
something broke apart, dispersed
and remains to be reconstituted.”
- Katy Waldman, Writer
We live aware of the resonance of a global epidemic of loneliness. Being surrounded by plenty of others doesn’t always mitigate this; to be recognized in your difference does.
There's so much to get done; everyone is in momentum. So it feels natural to override inquiry into what daily convos generate. Yet I love guiding spirited doers, in fast moving worlds, who like accomplishment and contributing but are ready to walk out of the revolving doors of ineffective communication. Their own, and others.
The story beneath the story about the effective communication we all clamor for, is one about self-agency. As I see it, a GenC lens turns the light inward in the face of all the externalities demanding/calling to you. It offers ways to bring dynamic balance between your inner and outer worlds. Your yield is the unmatched well-being of self-leadership. Your intention and attention link up.
Neuro-plasticity confirms our ability to change, grow, regulate emotions, modulate our thoughts and prime the brain to expect good as you get bonding momentum going. For achievers loving the driving force of accomplishment this combo of individual and group capacity building is heaven sent.
My ethos: when you rise others do.
Growing up in the streets of Brooklyn we took stick ball seriously. In intense play, we could call for a time-out by holding up one hand and yelling “Five Fingers!”
It signaled we had a question, needed a do-over, clarification, an ask about the fairness of a previous call or even for an alteration of the ground rules on the fly.
This speedy gesture was respected.
Though we shouted, disagreed or cursed, as we stood in the street to chat someone's request, it never devolved into an endless convo since return to the game dominated. We knew what mattered.
GenC echoes “Five Fingers!"
It arrives offering strategic pausing points to regroup, catch your breathe, step up or back, ask “Are we still on the right strategy?”, “What’s missing?” and, yes, that most essential underpinning to mental health, “How are you doing?”
Hustle entwined with strategic reflection is a smart way to play.
In high demand, pressurized projects, GenC is a safety valve, not a distraction from the mission at hand. Never a flimsy gloss but a rigorous, enriching team practice you modulate in response to the moment or the unfolding strategy in front of you.
You can get there in style or fraught with interpersonal pain. We’ve all been on both sides of this coin. To calibrate your participation, contribution; to delineate, and author your identity as a collaborator – that's the high art of teamwork. The opportunity is working shoulder to shoulder with someone having the leeway to shape who you are as you go.
Heading into a project, people know they will be tested, yet a learning climate of safety, inquiry and even a sensibility of humor, prevail. It’s ok to ask a question or for feedback, raise an objection or disagree or recalibrate direction. The bottlenecks of going full steam ahead without considering the humongous role of interpersonal effectiveness are more likely to dissolve and streamline getting where you're going.
Let me fess up.
I would have put aside leading groups in GenC a while ago, Zach, if not for being so captivated by how stimulating and sustaining immersion in healthy collaborations intent on bringing out your best and bringing out the best in others are. Up close and personal I’ve experienced the added value of a "we are in this together" mindset for client teams, students -and me too! We thrive in well-being when it is safe to show up as yourself. Quirks, questions and all.
The nicest part? Learning the ropes of GenC predisposes you to a functional optimism and that oh-so-soundless emotion, hope. To enter the zone of an opportunity mindset is an everyday practice and a rigorous philosophical view. Without negating what’s happening in the world, it provides a modicum of mental health. When you do this in tandem with peers the climate of good feelings quadruple and remain.
